What does is take to truly be broken for God and God alone? That question permeated through my thoughts endlessly this week with out me even realizing. I admit i have been really stressed or maybe rather stretched beyond my comfort zone. When we pray for God to take us from our comfort do we neglect to realize its not just spiritually but in the natural as well. Mind blowing when i am just now realizing this as i type my blog today. You see i have been praying for God to break me so that i can only (and will only) run to him and depend solely on him. Well little had i been realizing this also accounted for the natural too. With every class demanding different assignments in the same timing it seemed my life was lived at school and even coming home was just more work. I can't complain however because i know this is preparation for the near future. I long for the understanding that God has for me to know and hold true to. It seemed this week i turned to every other source as comfort including to my friends (saved and unsaved). The thing is no one really understood the inward battle i faced daily as i struggled with the blaring voices in my head that offered anything but Jesus the only true answer. Everyone seemed to offer timely criticism and critiques this week that only aggravated me more. My smile was the result of God's grace and mercy and the help of some of his angels he blessed to enter into my life. One thing i know however is that my God makes all things new. He didnt bring me through anything he knew i wasnt strong enough to handle even with him by my side. Have you ever watched a child? It seems the more you tell them not to do something to help them to not feel certain pains the more they want to try it? Like the child and the stove you say no but as soon as you leave they touch it and realize why you had strongly protested against their diligence. See God doesnt say no just for the grins and giggles but to say hey you dont have to deal with the possible consequences of your actions. I can't count how many times even that he has stirred my heart to just spend some time with him but i could think of everything else i needed or wanted to do before bed time. what if i would've spent some time with my father and he would've said let me take your burdens your struggles the pain you feel today ill keep from you tomorrow and as long as you want me to ill take your burdens on me. It's impossible to comprehend with or human intellect but honestly is it really? We were made to worship and be connected to something whether it be God or a false god that we idolize. My heart longs for the heart of a king, for the love of someone who had me in mind before the foundations of the very Earth. I mean imagine it God of the universe said hey in 2009 i want (insert name) so be in this place at this time and do mighty things for my glory and i will bless them beyond all earthly measures. Shocked maybe? To him it is the insurmountable love he has for us...enough so that he is willing to let us touch that hot stove to remember the pain next time curiosity take charge. I heard a beautiful quote today and ill end with this because everyday this week has been a battle of flesh and me me me mentality maybe itll click for you as well:
"Two natures beat within my breast,
The one is foul, the other is blessed.
The one I love, the other I hate;
The one I feed will Dominate."
Which will you feed?
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